


I would have grinned like an idiot even if it killed me

by K___Kelly



Series: I would... [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Crushes, Episode: c01e022 Aramente to Pyrah, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Romance, Vax swears a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K___Kelly/pseuds/K___Kelly
Summary: A fic about the different times and ways Vax almost died in battle because he turned around to look at Keyleth.
Relationships: Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role)
Series: I would... [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539013
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. Grinning Through Flames

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing and Vax is my favorite emo raven boy who can't stop staring at his disaster druid. That's all...
> 
> Enjoy!

Two daggers fly through the air toward the flaming Ifreeti _vssh vssh_. Most weapons would be immediately swallowed by the vicious fiery form, but these daggers are enchanted. So instead he watches gleefully as they both find their target and the creature lets out a horrific roar of pain in response. He grins and looks behind him, quick hazel eyes seeking serene iridescent green. He hopes she saw his attack go through. He hopes he’s proving that his skills are useful even against magic users. He hopes that he has somehow lessened the gap between them; built the beginnings of a bridge between a proficient commander of the elements and a skulking bastard thief. 

There’s a sudden uncontrollable urge to see her face light up or for her to gasp and shake her head at him. To watch her bite back a laugh at another one of his ridiculous tactics or schemes. Just the thought makes him smile in anticipation as he glances around looking for her. In this moment his focus is fully shifted and he is relying purely on his passive perception to keep him safe while his eyes rove about, searching for her form amongst the clash of Fire Ashari and fire elementals. In a battle this intense though he should know better than to let himself be distracted. Thankfully Vex’ahlia has better senses than him. While most of the party will readily admit that he is the stealthier one, she has always been more aware of her surroundings. So, it's not surprising that Vex is the one who spots the creature’s incoming stream of red-hot retaliation before he does. She sees the elemental’s form swell and his eyes glitter with an uncontrollable fury. And just as Vax spots Keyleth, who is staring down the creature while preparing a spell intended to decimate it, he is roughly jerked aside by a familiar grip. 

“Stubby what are you...”

He doesn’t finish his question before a stream of fire rushes up to where he had been standing moments before and the residual flames lick at his boots even as the roar of the blast dies away. The sudden heat makes him momentarily dizzy and the monstrous growl of crackling earth leaves his ears ringing. A few sparks drift upwards, some of them are still hot enough to singe his ear and the lock of hair that falls over one shoulder. He hisses out of surprise rather than pain and looks dazedly at the scorching patch of dirt that could have been him. Vax shakes himself out of the daze and pulls away from his twin.

“Idiot.”

He ducks instinctually, but a little too slowly. Vex’s hand catches him harshly on the back of the head. A familiar but unwelcome feeling.

“Ow Stubby what the fuck?”

She doesn’t answer she just glares at him, before he can take note of the slight sheen in her eyes, he hears feet running toward them. They both look up and see Keyleth, pale with concern and gasping for breath. He reaches out to steady her and out of the corner of his eye he catches Vex stalking away scowling over her shoulder and notching another arrow. Keyleth’s hand finds the lock of singed hair; it breaks at her touch. The strands drift through her fingertips and the beads that were woven in clatter soundlessly amid the sounds of battle. He looks up ready to gently reassure her, but there is a look of fierce determination carved into her features. Her gaze is flickering between himself and the Ifreeti, her eyes seem to be silently asking...

_Can I trust you to be alright while I finish this?_

Or maybe they were saying...

_You dumbass why do you always do this?_

It’s actually quite hard to interpret her looks accurately. He has always thought that her eyes were so enigmatic that they could be saying a million things at once and he might only be able to guess one of them if he's lucky. 

In answer to her unspoken question, he smiles cockily and tosses the dagger toward the monster without even looking. Her response is…not exactly what he was hoping for. Keyleth gasps, but it’s not a gasp of admiration. No. The sound she makes has a distinct note of panic which prompts him to look over just in time to see his dagger fly over Vex’s head with less than an inch between her hair and the sharp edge of his Keen Dagger. He gulps, his twin turns to glower at him. He _can_ read her gaze loud and clear and it is definitely a string of curses interspersed between promises of a long and painful death. The threat in her eyes stays trained on him like a hunter’s mark while she finishes conjuring a barrage between the party and the encroaching elementals. He wonders miserably if Kiki’s concern was really directed toward Vex’s wellbeing or toward his own, since they both know that there will hell to pay once this is over. 

He leans over to Keyleth as the dagger returns to his belt and he readies another. 

“She’s gonna kill me for that isn’t she?”

Keyleth looks at both twins, sighs deeply and transforms into a water elemental. Vax wishes it was that easy for him to escape his sister’s impending wrath.

_What’s that? I’m sorry Stubby you can’t understand me right now I only speak in gargle._

Yeah that would be nice. But, the idea isn’t very comforting. Even the satisfying sound of daggers that continue to find their mark throughout the battle isn’t enough to comfort him.

“Fuck me she is never gonna let this go.”

He says it offhandedly to the water elemental standing nearby even though he knows she can’t respond. For a minute it seems like his watery crush stops to shoot him a look of sympathy, and he grins at her… but then quickly dodges out of the way as she releases an unbelievable cascade of water that almost completely washes out the fire elementals and the Ifreeti.

Damn that’s cool. 

She doesn’t look away; her lucid eyes stay focused on the Ifreeti and the remaining fire elementals. The battle is winding to a close, but he almost doesn't notice. He's still too busy grinning and watching her. Always clumsy, always incredible. And honestly he doesn’t care if it kills him. He would gladly thank any gods who might listen if the last thing he ever did on the mortal plane was smile at Keyleth. 


	2. Smiling when she isn't here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time, he didn’t turn fast enough. The second time he turned too fast. Both times she wasn’t there, but he turned toward where she should have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Vaxleth because I LIVE for this ship

It honestly wasn’t until the second instance of ‘jenga’ that Vax realized he was letting near death encounters become a bad habit. Sure, Vex had screamed at him about it plenty of times and Keyleth always looks worried when he chooses to break off and stealth ahead of the group, but it isn’t until his close call in Emon followed by a brush with death in Whitestone that he really starts to understand their concern. More than that it hits him that both times he had turned and looked over his shoulder and she wasn’t there. 

The first time it happened in Emon he really should have known better. It was idiotic to think that his friends were always going to be capable of magically arriving at the pivotal moment when he needs them the most. Even though most of them do have a lot of magical qualities Vox Machina doesn’t read minds, he can’t expect that from them. Not that he even wanted company in the first place. This kind of mission was really only suited to an experienced rogue or maybe an invisible gnome, but that’s beside the point. And as much as he would have loved to have Kiki by his side she is absolute shit at stealth. 

All of these reasons should have been enough to properly inform the rational part of his brain. He should have known that no one had followed him up to the Briarwoods’ chambers. Still for some reason that didn’t stop him from looking over his shoulder and silently hoping to catch a glimpse of wild red in his peripheral. Nothing. As he’d made his way down the dark halls every step reminded him that he could turn back or call for help. He should. They were his family, he didn’t have to do this alone, they would figure something out, they always did. But instead he was cocky and reckless, and Sylas’ cruel, mocking face was almost the last thing he ever saw. As he lay there the darkness overtook him, but he tried so hard to picture his sister and Keyleth to hold onto to those images as a source of strength…hope…even as life left him. The last thing he heard was a voice rasp out,

“Vax”

He tried to turn, to look, to smile at her in whatever form she is in, hands alight with power, resolve set in every line of her body. But he didn’t even have the strength left to turn his head and his vision had already gone dark. 

_Too late._

They brought him back of course, but high-fiving death has never stopped Vax from being reckless. Although, no one can say he doesn’t learn from his mistakes. In Whitestone he called ‘jenga’ before he confronted Professor Anders, but he still didn’t wait for the rest of the party. One glance over his shoulder before he took off, and he caught the dim outline of Keyleth’s graceful silhouette hauntingly illuminated by the sickly light bleeding through the heavy curtains in the grand halls of Whitestone. He can see the slight slump of exhaustion in her shoulders and an unsteady sway in her posture. Trying to heal the Sun Tree had exhausted her, but she wouldn’t admit it. The spells required to properly vanquish the undead inhabitants of the city are wringing her magic dry, but she’s too stubborn to say anything. She does a fairly good job hiding it, but her efforts aren’t enough to escape a lovesick rogue’s keen gaze. He can’t see her face, but even the shape of her stance is enough to instill him with strength. A strength he’s always had. Vex has it too they both have always had it and used it as armor to protect themselves. But Vax has watched Keyleth transform her quiet strength into a weapon that demands for its presence to be recognized. Not to say that Vox Machina’s disaster druid is quiet at all, but her power is. It’s like Minxy, silent but always ready to pounce. She uses her strength to protect this family they’ve haphazardly created, and she was the first one to recognize that they were in fact a fucked-up misfit ridden family of sorts. Her words don’t share that strength…not yet…but her actions always have. They’ve inspired him, probably not in the way she intended but the image in his mind’s eye as he darts forward towards Professor Anders, is of Keyleth calling lightning down from the heavens to fell armies of undead. 

After resolving the hostage situation, albeit poorly. He glances over his shoulder wishing for freckled smiling face. Instead he sees an arcane powered suit of armor swinging a great sword at his head. In the same instant a bolt comes from a twin set of armor and buries itself in his side, blood starts to trickle. He limps over to Cassandra ignoring the voices of concern coming through his earring. It’s mostly Vex screaming his name followed by a string of curses and Keyleth’s softer voice assuring him that they are coming as fast as they can. He sees Percy’s sister restored to consciousness and then feels the heavy blade slice down his back causing him to cry out in pain. He looks over one shoulder to meet the unperturbed arcane glare and looks over at the other one grinning through the pain, hoping beyond hope she’ll be there when he turns, but there’s only darkness. His moment of distraction earns him another wound from the sword, but he stays with Cassandra protecting her from Anders as best he can. He can feel the ground beneath his boots becoming slick with his blood and he can’t help feel his heart sink. 

He should have waited, even just a few minutes would have made all the difference. But Percy’s sister couldn’t wait, she was and still is in danger. He doesn’t regret his choice even as dark energy pierces through him and he feels himself dropping to the cold marble floor. Right before he closes his eyes he doesn’t see Keyleth, but he does see the room flood with natural light. He basks in the familiar warmth even as he loses his grip on reality. The voices he knows, and loves call out for him and his last thought is wasted on musing over the severity of the lecture that he knows is going to come from Keyleth _and_ Vex once he’s been fully returned to the land of the living. Honestly, he probably deserves it but that doesn’t mean he is looking forward to it.

_Kiki you gotta at least let me sleep some of this off before you start yelling at me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed my favorite half-elves! 
> 
> Also if you'd like to help me survive finals week drop a Critical Role character in the comments and I'll write a drabble about them, it will help me maintain sanity. 
> 
> -K.Kelly

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed the fic and want to read more leave kudos and/or a comment both are really big encouragements, if you keep reading it I'll keep writing it!


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